Flying

One of my biggest dreams has always been to be an airline pilot. Unfortunately, it's practically impossible for an Shomer Shabbos Jew to get hired by an airline. I did extensive research on the legal issues involved in forcing an employee to work on a day their religion does not allow them to work. There have been numerous lawsuits against companies that do this, alleging violations of the various laws that protect us from religious discrimination. Employers are required to make reasonable accommodations for  employee's religious needs. The airlines get around this because they're employees are unionized and are on a seniority system, where the more senior employees get first pick of schedules. The courts have ruled in several similar cases that the companies do not have to make an exception in cases like mine. 

I could go through the process of getting hired by an airline, without telling them that I can't work on Shabbos and then just not show up. They'd have a hard time firing me for it, because I could tie them up in lawsuits for years and in all likelihood it would be easier for them to buy me out, or even ignore my refusing to work on Shabbos. I wouldn't feel good about myself if I did that, so I've pretty much put my dreams aside, for now. I got my Private Pilot's License in April 2008 as a way to try to satisfy my dreams of flying and to give myself the freedom to get out of Detroit when I needed. 

Flying for me is all about freedom. There's an indescribable feeling you get when you're flying a plane, by yourself, thousands of feet above the ground. It's a great escape from the stress and troubles of life. It doesn't allow you to focus on anything besides what you have to do to fly the plane. You do get to see incredible views of the world around you in the process. 

For a couple years I flew around Michigan occasionally and really enjoyed it. It was expensive, but I don't regret one penny I spent on flying. I continued my training, hoping to get an Instrument rating (that's what lets you fly in the clouds and low visibility weather). I was hoping to fly around the country one day and possibly even work as a flight instructor, for fun. Then one day, I stopped flying.

I don't know why I stopped, my best excuse was the money. I always said I'd still fly and I would occasionally stop by the airport and see my old instructors. I'd tell them I would be scheduling a flight soon, I'd check the current prices, but five years went by without a single flight. Pilot's certificates don't expire, but they require a valid medical certificate which does expire and a certain amount of recurrent training. I don't have either of those now. 

I went to the airport a couple weeks ago, to watch the planes. I stopped in the flight school, just to chat. I got the current prices, met some new instructors and walked back to my car. About halfway to my car, I stopped. I thought "I'm not going to come back if I leave now, why don't I fly now?". Then I thought I was being stupid. You're supposed to schedule a flight at least a few hours in advance, there's no way I could fly now. So, I kept walking, but I didn't get into my car. 

I called Nehama and told her what I was thinking, I kind of expected her to tell me not to fly, that would've been a convenient excuse for me to chicken out. Instead she said "what do you have to lose by asking?". I went back inside and asked if anyone was available to fly with me and what do you know, there was. I went out for a short flight. I did all the flying from takeoff to landing and some practice maneuvers. I won't say it was like riding a bike, I lost a lot of skill and instinct in the 5 years off, but I did ok. The instructor didn't have to correct anything, he just let me get comfortable and fly. It was awesome. 

Last week we went on a short trip to Northern Michigan. The first stop we made in St. Ignace was the local airport. We met the guy in charge who offers sightseeing tours to tourists, surprisingly it wasn't too expensive.  He was the kind of guy that I think of as an old time pilot. Always willing to talk about flying to anyone who will listen. The next morning we booked him for a half hour flight around Macinac Island. I want Nehama to get into flying, so I had her sit in the co-pilots seat and I sat in the back (I can't tell you how hard that was for me to do). The weather was perfect, the air was smooth and the view was magnificent. Nehama had a great time and G-d willing, I'm going to get her to actually fly a plane in the near future! 

Depression and Suicide

It's never a good thing when I start typing a blog post after 1AM. I should be sleeping, or reading, or watching a movie, or anything besides for writing. See, the problem is that the filter in my brain seems to go away at this time of night and I tend to speak the truth, which tends to upsets people. Truth be told, I don't give a darn (Nehama, I'm only saying darn for your benefit :)) if people get upset at me for speaking the truth. Alas, I live in a bubble of happiness and insanity that is in danger of popping whenever I interact with angry people, so I try to avoid it. Oh well. 

This reminds me of a joke and since the rest of this post is going to be sad, a joke might be helpful:

A lady goes to interview for a job and has the following conversation:

Interviewer: "What is your biggest weakness?".

Her: "I always tell the truth". 

Interviewer: "I actually think that's a big strength". 

Her: "I don't give a F@#k what you think!" (Sorry, Nehama, "darn" wouldn't cut it here).

Nehama called me this morning upset about something she saw on Facebook. A 30 year old lady, who left her Chassidish upbringing and went "Off the derech", committed suicide by jumping off the roof of a building in New York City. I always have a hard time processing stories about suicide, especially when people jump to their deaths (I'm not sure why, but it might have something to do with happening upon the horrible scene of a suicide like this, before the police arrived a long time ago). For some reason this story didn't get to me this morning. Maybe I was caught up in my own day, or maybe I've become desensitized to stories like this. It wasn't until hours later when I read the details of the story and the articles written about it that it really hit me. A member of our (extended as it may be) community, in the prime of her life, took her own life. This shouldn't have happened. 

I don't want to talk about this particular victim. I didn't know her and I feel like it's disrespectful to her and her loved ones to speculate and I'd like to avoid that and instead talk about the subject in a broader way. I'm not an expert in psychology, or mental illness, what I'm saying is based on my own experiences and research and I welcome corrections and explanations. 

I was speaking with a Psychologist recently about why people commit suicide and she told me something I found interesting: "Mentally healthy people never commit suicide". People who are mentally healthy can have all kinds of difficulties and they can say "hey, this sucks, but I can do something to make it better" or "things will get better in time". Someone suffering from depression, or other mental illness, might not be able to say that. Situations that we see as difficult, but possible to overcome, may seem hopeless to them. 

If we accept that only mentally ill people commit suicide, the next question is "what causes mental illness"? This is where it gets complicated. According to the National Institute for Mental Health, depression is most likely caused by a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors. One of the differences between sadness and depression, is that sadness typically goes away when the cause is removed, depression does not. In other words, if abuse or rejection led to depression, if the abuse and rejection stopped, the depression would remain. My understanding is that depression needs to be treated with therapy, medication and possibly exercise. All of those together can increase the serotonin levels in the brain to a healthy level. 

Ironically, just a couple days ago I wrote a post about mental health in which I took the easy way out and shared a video someone else made about their depression http://whatamidoinginisrael.blogspot.com/2015/07/mental-health.html.

Writing this post, I decided that it was wrong of me to take the easy way out, when I could possibly help someone else by being more open. I was recently diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety (amongst other issues that I would talk about if I understood them at all) . I should have gone for help 15 years ago when I first thought I was depressed, but I didn't want to have something wrong with me. That was stupid! Thank G-d I'm getting the help I need, but there are many others who are not, because they're afraid of the stigma and I don't want to be part of that, so I'm sharing part of my story.

In my attempts to understand myself and figure out how to get better, I discovered that psychology is extremely complex and not set in stone. There are lots of chicken and egg situations. Did my depression or ADHD (I forgot to mention that one) lead to my troubles in high school, or vice versa? Are my ADHD symptoms real, or caused by depression? I can go on and on, but I digress. 

The reason I started to write this post is that I got upset about the assumptions people were making publicly in the case of this poor girl who jumped off that roof. It's natural to want to place blame when something like this happens. It's often easy to blame the family and the community, but that doesn't make it right. Nobody knows whether the chicken or the egg came first. People's lives are a lot more complex than the parts we see. Yes, it's possible, even probable, that whatever you blame for someone's suicide was a factor. That person was not just the struggle that you identify with, they were more than that and to reduce them to your cause is not a good way to honor their memory, IMO. 

One thing is clear to me. Regardless of our religion, politics and other differences, we can all do something to help. Remember that everyone you come into contact with is a person, a complex human being with feelings. Treat them how you'd want to be treated and you won't be part of the problem. A little kindness and empathy can go a long way and so can a little cruelty. When you see someone doing something "wrong", whether in a religious, social, or work situation, don't push them away because they upset you. Their life is not about you. I can't tell you how many people criticized me for making what they considered to be irresponsible decisions. I stayed in situations harmful to my mental health for years, because I was afraid of what others would say. I'm not going to resort to scare tactics, suffice it to say that I would not be as ok as I am now if I hadn't gotten over my fear and made some big changes. 

The scary part of all this is that all the love and understanding in the world won't help some people recover from depression. It's a real disease that can be fatal, even with the best treatment. Fortunately, most people can be helped and if we educate ourselves (watch the video in my last post, it's a good start), we might just save a few lives (possibly even our own). I consider that to be worthwhile. 

As a side note, to the NY Post: I went on a few dates and actually got engaged to Nehama on the rooftop of 230 5th avenue that Faigy jumped from. Every time I was there I tried to stand on a bench by the ledge to get a better view and every time I was asked to get down by a staff member. The issue here is really not the safety of the rooftop, or the people who were there partying who didn't know that someone had jumped. 

Mental Health

Mental health is a hot topic lately. Everywhere you go someone's talking about how we need to be more open about it. Yet, there's still a taboo about it and most people are uncomfortable talking about their own issues, so instead they share articles and videos made by other people who got over their discomfort. It would be nice if people didn't have to be afraid to share their own thoughts, but there are plenty of reasons not to. That said, I'm going to take the easy way out and share a video someone sent me that I found interesting (it's kind of heavy). Also check out this comic, b/c what better way is there to learn than through comedy? http://cheezburger.com/7937393408