Society's Mixed Message On Mental Health

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. My opinions are based on my own experiences and may not be relevant or helpful to you, feel free to ignore them. This post may come off as preachy and self-righteous, if so, mission accomplished. 

I've been paying more attention to the news and social media over the last few months and apparently that's a good sign for my mental health. When I'm feeling depressed, my world shrinks. I talk to less people, do less things and yet somehow have less free time. Lately, I've been feeling better. I've restarted some hobbies. My schedule is fuller, yet I still have more time for less important things like politics, news and social media. 

With the recent school shootings and high profile celebrity suicides, mental illness has gotten a lot of play in the media and on social networks lately. There's so much talk about awareness and ending stigmas, that I question who is not aware and where is the stigma? It seems like everyone is posting their personal struggles with mental illness online and this is supposed to be a good thing, but is it really? 

I see so many posts from people who suffer from the same conditions I have and my typical response is "if that guy has it, there's no way I have it. I don't want to be anything like him". But, that's just me, the stuck up guy who can't even share my mental illness. There's a bigger problem out there. 

Whenever a celebrity commits suicide, the internet gets filled with posts saying things like "Everyone should know they're loved and if you're ever considering taking your life, you can always call me at -----------". I see that and I think "aww, isn't that nice. I'm not buying it". Yes, I am cynical. So, I look at the profile of the person who posted it (usually on twitter) and almost without fail, I can find something else they posted within the past few days along the lines of "Politician X doesn't agree with me about Y, he's worse than a nazi and I hope he gets cancer and dies a miserable, painful death". We're all so supportive of each other, until a restaurant makes a mistake on our order and we go straight to yelp and instagram on a personal vendetta to destroy the person who dared to be human (I'm trying hard not to go off on a restaurant tangent here, suffice it to say that I'm really happy I got out of that business, but wish I hadn't had to). 

That behavior, which is pervasive online, makes me think that people don’t really care, they just want to make themselves feel good. The real troubling part for me is how we treat people who do something wrong. It seems like every day there’s a viral video, or news story of someone getting caught doing something bad. Of course, it's always caught on camera and next thing you know, someone's momentary lapse of judgement just became the defining moment of their life. 

Some of these people did really bad things and they may deserve punishment. The problem is that we're taking people's worst action and using it to define them as a person. This is only one example of how we do this and it's an extremely unhealthy behavior IMO. 

For me, one of the hardest parts of dealing with mental illness, is not believing the bad things my mind tells me (for example, let's say my mind is telling me that I'm a bad person). It's easy enough to believe when my mind tells me something negative with no foundation. Easier still, when there's evidence to back it up (maybe I did something bad) and really easy if society is there nodding along (maybe it got caught on video). 

If we judge ourselves, or others, on our worst actions, who has a chance? We need to remember that we (and others) are not just who we think, or what we do, or want to do, or try to do. We are the sum total of our experiences, our actions, our goals, efforts, successes and failures.

No, that doesn't go well with our two second sound bite society, but if we're serious about mental health, that's how we have to see people. Sadly, I don't believe we're really serious about it as a society. We're all for talking about it, raising awareness, doing a 5k, etc. but who really changes? And we wonder why suicides keep going up.

If we're serious about mental health, I say we need not do anything more than treat each other as people, imperfect people who are going to make mistakes. Instead of always looking for someone to burn at the stake, let's try to let things go. Let's remember that we could easily be the person whose life we're so casually destroying. Or not. It's a lot easier to fool ourselves into moral superiority. We can retweet the suicide prevention hotline and feel like we made a difference...but who are we fooling? 

You're Really Not That Special

I've been thinking about restarting this site for a while now. The title doesn't exactly make sense anymore, being that I'm not living in Israel anymore, but who cares? 

I read an article a while ago that I'm not sure I agree with, it's been stuck in my head since and and maybe writing about it will help me figure it out. The article posited that the key to happiness in life is realizing that you're not extraordinary and accepting that you'll never be, or need to be, more than mediocre.

We live in a society where any rando can post something on Youtube or Instagram and become a nearly instant celebrity (yes, I just said rando, I'm technically a millenial, so it's chill). Everyone is told that they're special and it seems like they believe it. At the same time, everyone wants to be different. So much so that it's considered weird to be normal . From my viewpoint, most of the "different" people are exactly the same. It reminds me of one of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes:

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

I wonder what that says about one who quotes it :)

I've always wanted to be the best at something. Pretty much anything that I decide to do, I go into with the attitude that I'm going to do it better than anyone else. Humble, I know. So far, I haven't achieved that level of mastery in anything. I've done things to put myself in smaller percentages, like getting my pilot's license (something like 0.002% of the population in the US) and running a marathon (0.5%). Even so, I know many pilots and runners who are better at both than I will ever be (maybe).  

The harsh reality of life is that most of us will never reach a level of extraordinary anything. For every professional athlete, or movie star, there are tens of thousands of people who tried and failed. The same is true in every other area of life. The success stories we hear are the exception, not the rule, which is why they're notable. Yet, so many of us think that can be us and we continue to chase our dreams, despite all the evidence showing us that it's futile.

On the other hand, there are many people who have simpler expectations out of life. They know what they want, they set attainable goals and they meet them.

Who do you think is happier?

On a side note. In spite of my argument that most people are the same and not particularly exceptional, I do believe that every person has exceptional power that is inherent to being human. Simple acts that we do on a daily basis can change lives and consequently the world. Something as small as saying "good morning" or letting a car merge in front of you in traffic can have a tremendous snowball effect. Kind of like pay it forward, without the kid getting stabbed. 

It's easier to see in other people. If an 18 year old came to me asking me for career advice, I'd probably tell them to go to college, become a doctor, lawyer, if I thought they could do it. Yet, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't make the same choice for myself. 

I still dream big and set goals that others would call unrealistic. The evidence is currently showing me that they may be right. It's not too late for me to settle down into mediocrity. To start a career with predetermined limits, with less stress and uncertainty. Still, I don't feel that's being true to myself (what does that even mean?). I don't know that I can be happy working a 9-5 job, reporting to a boss. Accepting that I can be successful, but only to a point. So, what to do? Is there some kind of compromise? Am I hypocritical for thinking that people are made to be mediocre and then refusing to accept mediocrity for myself?